i'm going to revamp this a bit, and i hope you all stick with me. i have pretty much let this spiral like crazy because of my anxiety (posting kind of out of control crying etc.). realistically, it's not helping me. from here on out, when it happens, i'm going to step away, regather myself, and post my struggles and triumphs afterward. i was doing extremely well mentally before all of this, and i still am, but this is extremely taxing on me. regardless, i am not going to let this drag me down. so yes, i am deleting some older posts, mostly because they were just the same spiralling, and weren't really focused on why i made this instagram. i made it to track my journey, at first, with anxiety. i promised to be candid, but i think now this has taken on something else, so i'm going to change my username for the 1000th time. i had gotten to a really good place, and was thinking of transitioning out of therapy, and then i got ill (physically). i've always had dozens of chronic illnesses (i'll list em if you want but that's not the point), but they've always been well managed by medications. i have never experienced anything like this before. this has been my biggest hurdle yet. i have never felt so absolutely stressed out by this; to be told that an organ that is supposed to be involuted and nearly non-existent is bigger than it should be for my age is frightening, especially when the differential diagnoses include a tumor, and/or cancer, but even moreso when this entire thing (mass in the mediastinum) doesn't always happen. there is little information, and having no answers and all of google is not helping at all. i can go into scenarios which i have been doing for weeks, but it is getting me absolutely nowhere. instead, it is making me more flooded with anxiety, then self doubt (ptsd related problems), and then i spiral into "what if this is all in my head" (ct says otherwise, i know, but still), and "what if therapy isn't working?" and "what if it actually is bad?" and i just lose it. i worked very fucking hard to beat the cycle of bpd. i no longer meet the criteria and i refuse to go back to that. so i am taking the reins back. i am still winning this fucking war
The early bird really does catch the worm! If you visit Shaolin in the summer months, we strongly recommend you be down at the temple door early in the morning (around 5.30-6am). Trust us, you'll be rewarded 😉
I straight up laughed out loud when i saw this. It looks like I'm charging into battle, ready to slay enemies with my armband. 😂😂😂 I always save a burst of energy for the finish line... And this is my reward. ⚔️ #warrior
Great read of the week: My love, stay strong and you will do well in life. I love you and my children deeply. Today and tomorrow let each day grow and grow. Keep smiling and never give up even when things get you down. So in closing my love, tonight tuck my children in bed warmly. Tell them I love them, then hug them for me and give them both a kiss goodnight for daddy..... this, before going to Somalia said one State Department official: "The idea used to be that terrible countries were terrible because good, decent, innocent people were being oppressed by evil, thuggish leaders. Somalia changed that. Here you have a country where just about everybody is caught up in hatred and fighting. You stop an old lady on the street and ask her if she wants peace, and she’ll say, yes, of course, I pray for it daily. All the things you’d expect her to say. Then ask her if she would be willing for her clan to share power with another in order to have that peace, and she’ll say, 'With those murderers and thieves? I’d die first.' People in these countries - Bosnia is a more recent example - don’t want peace. They want victory. They want power. Men, women, old and young. Somalia was the experience that taught us that people in these places bear much of the responsibility for things being the way they are. The hatred and the killing continues because they want it to. Or because they don’t want peace enough to stop it." -- we always have a role when it comes to disposing of evil. #greatreads#leaderslead#mybookclub#stepup#usa#warrior#blackhawkdown
You must understand that there's MORE THAN ONE PATH UP THE MOUNTAIN. What you've been seeing is the path I've chosen. YOU have 3 options:
1. Follow me
2. Make your own
3. Stay at the bottom
Either way it goes, I'M GOING UP
#JOINWARRIOR LET'S GO UP! LET ME COACH YOU OVER THE NEXT 12 WEEKS! GET YOUR 12-WEEK WORKOUT PROGRAM & AB ROUTINE TODAY! DM ME FOR DETAILS (Serious inquiries only please)
Patience is a virtue! This isn't a get fit quick scheme.. I mean you will get fit quicker than you ever imagined, but that isn't the only reason to get started. The big goal is long term health and vitality. You want to totally shift your mentality to changing your LIFESTYLE, not just dieting. I know you can do it. 💯
//Stay focused, disciplined and committed to achieving your goals this week!
Back day as follows:
Four sets: Pull-ups/High bent over rows
Pyramid set: Deadlifts
Five sets: Low hammer strength row 10-12 reps
Five sets: High hammer strength row 10-12 reps
Five sets: Wide grip lat pulldowns
Your story doesn't end here.
As a warrior against anxiety and depression and as a survivor of self-injury, I beg of you to keep fighting. You have complete power over yourself and you can choose to continue on.
; #warrior#survivor#semicolonproject Thank you @entertherabbithole 🙏🏽
Happy birthday to my everly young KING OF EPHEEZY, You are an inspiration and perfect example.
You are one of the most amazing people that I have ever known. May Allah in his infinite mercy give you love, happiness,and good health all through your life.May you get strength & persistence to conquer hurdles in your life! May you live long and live happy.May worries AND bad lucks remain away from you now and life to come and I wish you all the good things you can ever wish or think off may all your dreams come true..Age gracefully sir , LOVE❤❤❤ YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK....ENJOY YOUR DAY ZADDY YO @hajji_pheezy 😀😀🍹🍹🍰🎂🎂🎂🍽🍽🍾🍾🍾#warrior 💪#boss