this photo was taken 2 years ago. malakai just brought it to me and said he found me, but all i can think is, “this is not me.” you wouldn’t have known, but this person was battling severe postpartum depression that lasted much longer than i thought possible. i’ve never spoken about this publicly, but it was hard- to say the least. pregnancy, labor, and early motherhood wrecked me.
at this time, i was inexperienced but responsible for a new life. i was in a war with the mirror and desperately trying to shed the full 65 pounds i gained during pregnancy. i spoke about depression as if i had overcome it (i probably believed i had), but it was lingering, and it affected every ounce of my being. i'd wake up after 12 hours of sleep and immediately feel exhausted. i couldn't find motivation to accomplish anything fulfilling, which left me in a terrible cycle. my entire personality was flipped upside down, making me angry, insecure, dependent, fearful, and introverted. i wanted relationships but wouldn’t let anybody in for the sake of upholding my image. i spent MOST of this year sobbing- because my brother asked for chickfila, because my vitamins didn’t taste good, because danny got home 5 minutes late, because i wanted to embrace motherhood but was incapable of finding gratitude and joy. my heart was a disaster.
i'm devastated that a year of kai’s life was spent in this hole. there's so much beauty in the chaos of that first year and i missed it.
with the awareness that most of my followers are also new moms, i’ve been compelled to write about this to tell you that it’s ok to let your perfect image fall. it’s ok to tell someone you’re depressed. it’s ok to BE depressed. hormone imbalances don’t make you any less of a mother. if i’d have known the normalcy of ppd, it would’ve lessened my shame and encouraged me to immerse myself in community- which is what god used to eventually drag me out and into myself again. we like to post the happy moments on ig, but there's a lot of sorrow in motherhood too. if you're experiencing this, reach out! i'd love to share my story and let you know- you are NOT alone. #honestmotherhood
| Greedy | I've had a lovely day stuffing my face with chocolates, cake and a giant cookie.
In-between all the scoffing, I also started packing for our summer holiday. Packing, unpacking, re-packing. This is a favourite pastime of mine. I may end up doing this 100 times before we go, as it isn't till July. Too early to pack?
Well Mother's Day, you've been a good'un. We saw sunshine, the sea and the woods. 🌞🌊🌅🏞 I had pancakes in bed, walked miles and miles and took a boatload of photos (yes I WILL be spamming the blog with them soon!) 🥞🛌⛴️📷 We played in the park, ate ice creams, and had a takeaway for dinner! 🎠🍦🍔🍗🍟
So yeah, Mother's Day. I like you very much! 😍 🤗💞
A Sunday well spent brings a week of content. But Sunday never seems to be long enough. Always more chores to do and never enough snuggles from dem babies! Trying to bust through my to-do list so I can sit in pjs eating ice cream catching up on Blackish after my little monkeys are in bed! 🐒🐒
Hey Friends! I know its taken forever but I have a new video up(click link in IG bio👆) answering some of my followers questions. Thank you for all your patience and LOVED all the questions you asked!! I really do have such a kind and supportive group.Thank you so much!! Love you guys!!❤❤❤
I told Cash not to go in the water so in typical two year old fashion he sat down & slowly scooted as close as humanly possible while occasionally peeking behind his shoulder to see if I was watching. There isn't a filter in the world that could make New River look appealing. 🙈
This is from a few weeks ago when we still had snow on the ground...but oh how I adore this silly girl. Just look at that little tongue! Eden takes after her mommy and loves being outside, what fun we will have this summer!
🌹🐾 double exposed with film interference #35mm 🌹🐾
Times Square X @honeyshawtyy
This was a huge mistake but I truly appreciate how it came out. #experimentalfilm mami back w the double/triple exposures.
Kick back, it's the weekend!
Yesterday was a rough day. The little one was being a strong willed three year old and testing my patience left and right. Luckily we survived!
Today we're gonna chill, grill up some carne asada + watch some march madness! 🏀 #sundayfunday
When I said, "my foot is slipping," your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. - psalm 94:18-19
oh what peace it brings, knowing that we have such a loving , caring and determined God. A father who knows us through and through and will do anything to show us that. How undeserving we are of someone so awesome as He.
Happy Sunday y'all
Beautiful day with @unautrevoodoo today and big crush for @petrichorblom.
And big news: A new step is about to begin within the MAD journey. To make this happen, I need space (in my mind & on my shelves )
At tonight 10 pm, there will be a big special sale on my online shop #madisgood
Hope to see you there guys 🤘🏽
Merci à tous ceux qui sont venus à la vente chez @unautrevoodoo (Merci Oryanne) et la belle rencontre de la journée @petrichorblom 💐 qui réalise des bouquets magnifiques 🖤
Je suis très heureuse de vous annoncer que MAD s'apprête à franchir une nouvelle étape et pour ce faire j'ai besoin de place dans ma tête et sur mes étagères.
J'organise donc une liquidation totale de mes stocks à partir de ce soir et jusqu'à épuisement des stocks.
~ Why I Do This ~
Day 26 of #marchmeetthemaker
I do what I do because I love it, but it also allows me to work from home around this little pumpkin. I'm able to take him to tennis and swimming lessons, go on fun outings and make the most of this precious pre-school time, whilst fitting work into every other minute. Hopefully by the time he goes to school, I'll have a good foundation from which to build the business and a happy child. It's all about balance. #beautifulandeccentric
I love birthdays. I love celebrating life. I love making others feel special and important. I especially love showing these three how special and important they are. I can't believe I get to walk this life with them. "My sun, my moon and all my stars."
today you're three. three years ago you were born in our home just a couple miles from where we live now. it was a fast and easy four hour labor and the most empowering thing i had ever done. you made me a mother. you are bold, determined, and full of life. you fight for what you feel is right and you have an opinion on absolutely everything. i may try and tame you in some ways but i secretly hope you never change. the world needs more of what you have. i need more of what you have ❤️
With a new purse from @poshmark and journal in hand, she be unstoppable. 😉But seriously, this quote on the journal made me immediately grab it. The last three months I have been so goal driven and motivated to not stop till I see the things that have been spoken over my family come to pass. 2017 made me realize, I am done with mediocrity. I want the best for my family and friends. It's about time.
Hope you've all had a wonderful Mother's Day! 😊 This next coming season there is going to be lots of new ranges that I'm sure you will love. Like these beautiful hand made in Yorkshire throws. Do pop by and have a look! ❤
I used to overanalyze other people's actions towards me and blame ME for their wrongdoings, I was a people pleaser because I was afraid of losing them...which suck the life out of me to the point that I stopped being grateful and positive towards life, hello you can't make everyone happy 🙈... I didn't switch my mentality overnight, It took a couple of disappointments, heartbreaks, letting go of "friendships" and more...it's taking a lot of personal development and strength that only God can provide💖
Now I wake up with a grateful heart 💖and see the good, the positive, and even thought not every day is pink and smell like roses, there's always something to be grateful for, always something you can learn, there's always something to look forward to. Look around you and be grateful for all the things you might be taking for granted. Be so full of positive thoughts and vibes that you have no room for any negativity in your life 💛 and when the negative and life sucking people or situations, peep back, you know what to do 💖 💖Always have a grateful heart 💖
Happy first Mothers day team Mummies! It's only been a month (well and 18 months of ttc and pregnancy....!) but I think we are rocking it! After a shaky couple of weeks feeling too on edge to leave the house we took Little V for some Cranialsacral therapy and what a difference it's made! 🙌🙌🙌 We finally braved taking her out today in her pushchair (which previously she wouldn't even sleep in at home!) and little V was so amazingly good, she slept through lunch and a walk along the seafront, I even got feeding her in public down to a fine art. Feel like today has been a massive confidence boost and we've turned a corner. Happy Mothers Day everyone! 💖